{"id":999,"date":"2022-11-25T21:03:43","date_gmt":"2022-11-25T17:03:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/susannaharutyunyan.am\/?p=999"},"modified":"2022-11-25T21:03:45","modified_gmt":"2022-11-25T17:03:45","slug":"the-sun-is-the-face-of-the-lord-and-we-behold-it-every-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/susannaharutyunyan.am\/ru\/the-sun-is-the-face-of-the-lord-and-we-behold-it-every-day\/","title":{"rendered":"<a>The Sun Is The Face of The Lord, and We Behold It Every Day<\/a>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My shadow curled up as I sat on the ground. I was feeling tired. I had been standing by the roadside for a fairly long time, but I hadn\u2019t seen a single car or person pass by. The sun was blazing hot. The dry, parched ground burned the soles of my feet. The air was boiling hot. I seemed to exhale balls of flame from my lungs. What was I thinking, setting off in the heat of the day?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>.I was feeling sorry for the time I had wasted, so I decided to go home. I could have laid down and slept for a while weeded the cabbage beds until the heat subsided, maybe even watered the trees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The moment I turned towards the village, I heard the distant roar of an engine behind me. It couldn\u2019t be a car. I stopped and swung around to take a look. I saw a military truck in the distance, and my heart leapt with joy. Rushing into the middle of the road, I started to wave my arms frantically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The truck pulled over, up the road a piece. I ran up to it. The door handle was quite high up, and so was the footboard. I waited for the driver to open the door and offer me a helping hand, but he made no move. I decided to wait a few more seconds, but then, fearing that he would drive off, reached for the handle. I tried a few times, but my efforts were in vain. I was mad. I felt like telling him off. <em>Would it be too much to ask to <\/em><em>open <\/em><em>the door for me<\/em><em>?<\/em> But I didn&#8217;t have the guts. God knows what sort of man the driver was. If I hurt him, he would leave, and I would have to stand there and wait even longer. I stretched as far up as I possibly could to reach the handle. My spine clicked loudly, and I felt a sharp pain in my big toes under my weight. It felt like my spine and neck would split off from my body, but I somehow managed to reach the handle. I finally managed to open the door with just the tips of my fingers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The driver looked at me and smiled. He was a tall, well-built man, his neck and jaw lost in a mass of straggly hair, his mouth hidden behind a bushy beard. His eyes were large and round. As he looked ahead, his pupils became motionless, almost hypnotic. He clutched the steering wheel in his huge hands. There was oil residue under his fingernails.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cGet a move on, we\u2019re running late!\u201d he said. His eyes brightened and crinkled at the corners. His beard twitched upwards from both sides. He might have cracked a smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThe footboard is pretty high. I can&#8217;t raise my foot up there.\u201d I glanced at his strong arms, hoping that at least now he would think to stretch out his hand to help me into the cab.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYour skirt\u2019s narrow and restricting your movements. Tuck it up so to step up more easily,\u201d he advised.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI wonder why God made you six-foot four with huge hands if I have to pull up my skirt to get into your truck?\u201d I couldn&#8217;t help grumbling aloud. I folded up my skirt, put my knee up, and stood on the footboard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cNot that much, gal, you\u2019ve almost taken your dress off,\u201d he laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI&#8217;m no <em>gal<\/em> to you,\u201d I snapped irritably. \u201cI have a son twice your height!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cSome people have sons three times taller,\u201d he laughed, and his eyes filled with tears. He started to cough, unable to finish speaking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhat a waste of time.\u201d I took my seat without looking at him. \u201cI\u2019d jump off and split if I hadn\u2019t waited so long.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhy\u2019s that?\u201d He became serious all of a sudden. \u201cWe\u2019re just having a good laugh, that\u2019s all&#8230; I haven&#8217;t heard myself laugh in a while. Don\u2019t be sore. I liked you right from the start,\u201d he said, turning the key in the ignition. The truck\u2019s engine began to shudder. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with sharing a joke with a woman you like?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cOh, come on!\u201d I waved him off. \u201cMaybe I\u2019d better just wait for another lift.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s up to you, but if you get off now, you\u2019ll scorch in this sun before too long. I\u2019m the only one coming from there,\u201d he pointed his thumb over his shoulder, \u201c\u2026and going back. I expect there\u2019ll be no one else for some time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cSo now you\u2019re a national hero?\u201d I asked, my voice dripping with contempt. \u201cOur village is within spitting distance of the front line, so we know better than you who\u2019s running in and out.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The truck started rolling down an old, cracked asphalt road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cHuh?\u201d he looked at me expectantly. His eyes were aquamarine, like the shallow part of a lake, and fragments of his entire life seemed to settle to the bottom of his weary eyes like so much silt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI mean this is the first time I\u2019ve seen you,\u201d I replied. \u201cYou must be new to these parts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cDo you really think a man my age can be a newcomer?\u201d he shouted at the top of his voice. \u201cI\u2019ve been driving back and forth every single day for the past ten years, since the war started. Then he leaned towards me and shouted, almost into my ear, \u201cEvery day I set off when the sun\u2019s up, and go back when it\u2019s down.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cAnd death doesn\u2019t scare you either.\u201d I curled my lips contemptuously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cNo, it doesn\u2019t. Death is the best punishment. Why should I be scared?\u201d His voice grew so sincere that it now sounded na\u00efve. \u201cBesides, why should I think about that? My job is to be alive and well. I don\u2019t know about you, but I for one plan to hold tight to this wheel until a ripe old age and carry on driving to the battlefield and back. I\u2019ll be ferrying dead bodies to be buried, delivering letters from loved ones to whiny conscripts, rushing the doctor to the wounded, and taking deserters back and yelling at the cowards. It\u2019s hard, but I\u2019ll keep driving back and forth.\u201d He remained silent for a moment, then continued with a touch of irony in his voice. \u201cAnd I will sometimes give rides to unkempt women like you, taking them to town so they can spend their yearly savings on a tasteless dress and return to show it off around the village.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI want to buy clothing and other things for my children, not myself,\u201d I began to explain in a leisurely manner. \u201cI never have enough money to buy things for everyone, so I always buy things one at a time and always struggle to settle everything.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cHow many children have you got? Are they grown-up?\u201d He looked at my reflection in the the mirror.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cNo, they\u2019re still kids,\u201d I replied, yawning. \u201cMy daughter is five years old. She can&#8217;t manage the broom very well yet, but she\u2019s supposed to sweep the house and the yard, so I get her big red ribbons in town. My youngest son doesn&#8217;t like boiled eggs, but he promised to eat them, so he gets a toy gun and a school bag. My eldest son&#8217;s voice has turned croaky but it hasn&#8217;t broken yet. He\u2019s in charge of the little ones and shouts at them if they start fighting, and I buy him hairspray for that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cDo you have a husband?\u201d He tried to catch my eye through the mirror again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cUh-huh.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIs he a good boy?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cHow should I know? He\u2019s not a boy anymore,\u201d I mumbled incoherently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cDo you love him?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re weird, you know!\u201d I let out a growl, and looked at him quizzically. \u201cCan you really love someone whose face you\u2019ve been seeing for twenty years on end?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cTwenty years is not a long time.\u201d His eyes gleamed under bushy eyebrows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cNot at all,\u201d I agreed, \u201cbut what I see is only a human face, not God&#8217;s face.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The roof of the truck had absorbed a lot of heat, and the air in the cab made me drowsy. I gradually dissolved into that heat. I didn&#8217;t feel like talking. My head was leaning against the headrest. I felt tired and slightly dizzy. The truck rumbled over a bumpy road, rocking me to sleep. Soon I began to nod off, and it was at this time that a fugitive idea struck terror into my heart: the war might reach our village before I returned home. Who would take my children out of the village, and where would I find them afterwards? Fear roused me from sleep, and I stretched out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThis life\u2014what does it want from us, anyway?\u201d I sighed, addressing no one in particular.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhy so bitter?\u201d he asked. There was genuine surprise in his voice. \u201cAfter all,<em>I<\/em> am the one returning from the battlefield.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhat kind of life is this?\u201d I grumbled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou shouldn\u2019t be saying things like that.\u201d He stretched out his rough hand and punched me lightly on the shoulder, saying, \u201cWar and peace are like the sun and the moon: although they\u2019re knit together, they can never cross. Like it or not, the day is divided into two equal parts: day and night.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhere, eh?\u201d I rubbed my shoulder where he punched it. \u201cWe keep marching in procession behind the dead. My soul has been ripped to shreds and ruined like a pilgrim\u2019s feet, but the holy place is still nowhere in sight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cUp there,\u201d he pointed a thick finger out the window, \u201cin the sky.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cUp there,\u201d I tried to imitate him. \u201cWhat&#8217;s up there?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cMy dear, even chickens look up at the sky when they drink water. Have you ever really looked up?\u201d he scolded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI have.\u201d I sat up, lifting my head from the headrest. \u201cIt\u2019s blue sky up there, and it can turn black or red whenever it wants,\u201d I said drily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThe sun\u2019s up there too!\u201d my fellow traveler added graciously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He leaned forward, becoming tense as he caught sight of a large pothole further down the road.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cOh yes,\u201d my voice was faintly mocking, \u201cthe sun is the clock and you are the pendulum.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cLook, my dear! The sun is the Lord\u2019s face, and we see it every day,\u201d he said, patiently explaining, like a parent to a slow-witted child. \u201cI am just a man who gets up with the rising sun and goes to sleep at sunset.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A brief silence lingered in the air, and then I asked, \u201cHave you ever killed anybody?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The muscles at the bridge of his nose twitched, and his brows drew together in an angry frown.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI mean, an enemy,\u201d I clarified.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He slammed on the brakes, and the huge car jerked to a halt. I flew forward and my head almost smacked against the windshield. I turned towards him but wasn\u2019t given a chance to lash out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhat the hell kind of woman are you?\u201d He flung his arms out wide and shouted furiously. \u201cThe hell with calling you a woman! You sit down comfortably here and start sounding off about war and killing people\u2014to a man you don\u2019t know I\u2019m already sick of your moaning. Fuck you!\u201d He continued growling under his breath, probably needed to curse me more in his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While he yelled, I forced myself to stay silent. I wanted to get where I was going to as soon as possible. Men like it when you pretend to be a frightened slave. They need to yell and dominate to boost their ego. I focused my eyes on his face so I wouldn\u2019t shout back.. His beard was turning grey from the corners of his mouth to his sideburns. The grey spots were like twisted dry leaves. The whiskers around his chin were still dark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYour beard\u2019s starting to go grey, you are becoming a wise man,\u201d my voice had turned suddenly melodious and tender.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m not wise.\u201d He stopped shouting, disarmed by the sound of my gentle voice. He added in an aggrieved tone, like a sulking child, \u201cBut I have seen a lot in my life and understand perfectly well all the aches and pains a wise man must endure.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>No sooner had he said it than he put his hand on my shoulder, caressed my neck with his thumb, then pulled me towards himself, and kissed me. I drew away immediately. He removed his hand from my shoulder, laid it on my knee and began stroking it. He must have had calluses on the palm of his hand. They lightly scratched my knee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cTake your hand off my knee,\u201d I demanded coldly. \u201cI don&#8217;t want runs in my tights. This is my only pair of tights&#8212;I haven&#8217;t got any other.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYeah, you\u2019re right,\u201d he agreed straight away, \u201clet&#8217;s pull them off to keep them undamaged.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He slid his hand up my thigh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThank you very much!\u201d I jerked his hand back, opened the door and jumped out of the truck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I found myself at the edge of a wheat field. I stepped into it. I grazed my arms on the spiky heads of the wheat stalks, but didn&#8217;t pay them any attention. I felt a pang of painful regret, and I could hardly walk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Suddenly someone hugged me tightly from behind, and I was immediately lifted up and shoved to the ground. The rough-stemmed wheat stalks broke under my back with a loud crack. The truck driver fell on me and started kissing me passionately. His hands began chaotically pulling up my skirt. I meant to hit him in the stomach with my knee and roll him off, but I didn\u2019t do that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He tried to urge me on as we headed back to the truck, saying, \u201cMake it quick! We should hurry to get the soldiers\u2019 corpses to their relatives.\u201d He made a path for me by trampling down clumps of wheat stalks with his heavy boots.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhat corpses?\u201d I asked, baffled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThose in the back of my truck.\u201d He pointed to his truck. \u201cStuffed full with eighteen to twenty-year-olds, covered with a thick tarp.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cGood Lord!\u201d my knees buckled from fear. I felt dizzy, and knelt down on the ground. The driver carried on, but stopped after a few steps, turned around, and was surprised to see me on my knees. \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI&#8217;m scared.\u201d My voice had dropped to a whisper. I curled up into a ball and pressed myself against the ground.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhat can <em>I<\/em> do?\u201d He shrugged his shoulders and pushed on towards the truck. When he got there, he turned around again, and shouted towards me,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cAre you coming now or should I go?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYes, I&#8217;m coming,\u201d I tried to shout back. \u201cWhat does it look like I\u2019m doing? I\u2019m coming. . .\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Translated by Marina Yandian<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My shadow curled up as I sat on the ground. I was feeling tired. I had been standing by the&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":994,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[87,85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-999","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-87","category-85"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v17.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Sun Is The Face of The Lord, and We Behold It Every Day - Susanna Harutyunyan<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/susannaharutyunyan.am\/ru\/the-sun-is-the-face-of-the-lord-and-we-behold-it-every-day\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"ru_RU\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Sun Is The Face of The Lord, and We Behold It Every Day - Susanna Harutyunyan\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My shadow curled up as I sat on the ground. 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